A quick note on growth

Today is Day 1 of Army Ten Miler training. I will be spending it on the couch in my jammies with NyQuil and lots of veggies. I spent a good chunk of today debating with myself about doing the workout on my calendar. Written on paper, in ink. And highlighted. Sure, I'm sneezing and coughing and can't breathe through my nose. Sure, it is 90 degrees out at 6 pm. But...running. Training. My pre-injury life almost back within my grasp.....sigh.

If I hadn't just spent the past six months of my life riding a couch, stuffing my face, and spending too much of my PTO on doctor's appointments, I would be outside running right now. The thought combination of "my leg feels fine" and "I breathe through my mouth when I run anyway" would have gotten the best of me. The run, if I got through it, would have been mediocre at best. I probably would have extended this cold by a day or more by putting additional stress on my body. Tomorrow's run would probably be crap too. String a couple of crap runs together and your mind will start you use them against you. Perfect way to kick off a training cycle, right?

Not this time. This season of injury has taught and continues to teach me invaluable lessons. Today's is remembering that rest is just as important as any other piece of a training program, even if it is unscheduled. That training programs are not written in stone. That the little voice in your head telling you that you suck is a damn dirty liar. That the true benefit of making good choices today will make itself known on race morning. Look at me, growing.

With that said, I'm off to eat said veggies in the aforementioned jammies on my preferred couch with a purring cat. Having a cold still sucks. Being confident that I made the best choice for my body does not. Only took me 30+ years to figure that out.

Spartan Race entry winner!

It might be late in the day, but it is still Monday and that means I have a winner of the free Spartan Race entry. Congrats goes to commenter #3:

That is Jody!  WAHOO!!!!!

Please email me here: CatLadyRunner@gmail.com to claim your super special discount code!

AROO!!!!! 

Ready to find out?

When I hear the word "spartan," I immediately think of my school district's mascot. I think about wearing blue and gold on the sidelines of football games and the less than flattering uniforms from indoor and outdoor track seasons. What does not often come to mind is the immensely popular Spartan Race series.

I'm not going to lie, I have never done an adventure race. I've considered it before but have been mid-marathon training cycle each time and an adventure race sounded like an injury risk I couldn't take. Now that I am sidelined by injury, I look at any and all events that involve running and think "I wish." I wish I could run. I don't care where or how. In a similar vein, I think many people interested in trying running for the first time see races and hear that same "I wish" in their heads. Maybe they think they aren't strong enough or fast enough. They might finish last. They might not finish at all. Anyone else hear those voices before? They aren't unique to the new runner.

Spartan Race is the stop button on that defeatist tape. The founders of the race series wanted to create an environment that appealed to those with a sense of adventure, those who are active, and those looking to discover their inner athlete. There are options for everyone, (kids too!) including a team event. For those still on the fence of "I'm not sure I can...," Spartan has your back there as well, with the Spartan SGX training program, free workouts in cities across the country, nutritional tips, and more.

I know that I have taken on previously unthinkable race challenges (oh hey, first marathon) because that voice in my head started wondering "but what if I could." I wanted to find out. We as athletes and humans are capable of much more than we can imagine, but we only find out when we step outside our comfort zone. Sure, there could be pain and frustration, but more often than not what I find most often is MAGIC. Not just in me, but in what I see from others. There are no restrictions on who is or can be an athlete. None. The guts and grit I've seen on the race course is incredible and often comes from what many would consider to be unlikely sources. Maybe you think you're that unlikely source.

There are over 100 Spartan races across the country. Each of those is a chance to Find Out. If you need just a bit more nudging, let me throw in a discount code for race registration good through May 27th, 2015. Use: MEMORIAL. You could save up to $40! If that still isn't enough, the awesome people at Spartan Race have given me one free race entry to give away. Yup, FREE. Comment below and tell me what race made you wonder what you were capable of, or how you turned off that negative script. Winner announced next week!

So, what are you waiting for?

And...we're back.

Welp, I've been sitting on this one since last Wednesday, the 6th. That morning I had my follow-up appointment with Dr. Yokel from Regenerative Orthopedics and Sports Medicine. For those of you following along at home, I had my first session of musculoskeletal prolotherapy with him on April 6th. From then on I was restricted from all activity. I could go to work (using my standing desk as much as possible) and go home. Basic errands like buying groceries were fine but that was about it. I spent a lot of time at home just laying down. Standing and laying down are the two least painful positions that don't engage the area much, if at all.

The time seemed to pass really slowly and I was not easy to be around. I ate a lot, which didn't help at all. Cried. Got pretty bitter seeing all the people out enjoying the incredible weather we've been having. Shaking my fist at the sky. I didn't blog (clearly) or do much else in the running social media world. It has been really hard to engage in a community I feel like I don't belong in right now. As much as I love the friends I've made in that community, it hurt to see the post-run pictures, race recaps, and workout ideas. It has been so long since I was able to post something about a run that I was beginning to think it might never happen.

I tried to find ways to occupy my free time (and wow did I have a lot of it). Cooked a bit (I wish I led a less foodcentric existence), read several books, watched way too much TV. I honestly don't know how people who don't have an active lifestyle survive. I was so bored. Total cabin fever. I just wanted to be able to MOVE.

After what was a true eternity, I was back in Dr. Yokel's office. I gave him a brief and pathetic update on my injury-related life since the treatment. Despite the mental and emotional mind f*ck, my physical body had actually accomplished something. No, I'm still not healed. Tendons are jerks and take their sweet time. However, my discomfort level has decreased and my ability to stand/sit/walk has increased. Huzzah! There is still a ways to go and he suggested that I have a second treatment. I had a feeling that would be the case and while I don't love it (ouchy!) I can tell that it (slowly) helped. A dash of cold spray and a few tense minutes later, it was done. It was much less painful this time around (another good sign).

I didn't know how this appointment was going to go, so I brought in a laundry list of questions. Most of them were specific to "can I do this?" and "when?" I'd already lost out on registration fees for two races and I wanted to have as clear a picture as possible of what the next couple of weeks/months would look like. I'll get the bad news out of the way right now: I cannot go to the Oiselle/ZAP Fitness running camp in June. While it is likely that I will be doing short runs by then, I would not be in the best shape to take on a 4 day running camp and would likely lose the progress that I will have made up to that point. That is the crappy but honest truth. I have been looking forward to it since I signed up in January, but I have to keep my eye on the prize.

With that band-aid ripped off, I went down the rest of my list. Yoga? Yes but really no. Nothing that fully extends the hamstring or asks that tendon to tighten/become taut. Lifting? Yes, but see restrictions under yoga. Running? Ha, silly girl. Here is what we agreed on:

1 week of complete rest (which is up today, nerds!)
After that, begin light activity (swim w pull buoy, spin w light resistance)
- if either feels like I am aggravating the area, back off
2 weeks after injection resume manual therapy
- the surrounding areas are pretty grumpy so the hands-on work will help
If I am feeling good after two weeks of light activity, I can start logging time on the Alter-G.

I also asked if I could get a massage to work on some of the stiffer areas and got the thumbs up as long as the injection area is left alone. Luckily, my PT clinic has a sports massage therapist on site and I have an appointment with her tomorrow!

My next appointment with Dr. Yokel isn't until early June but it gives my body the time it needs to continue responding. Right now I am focusing on the fact that I can attempt a swim tonight (so excited!). I don't plan on doing something every day, even though I really want to. Swim tonight, massage tomorrow, possibly swim again Saturday.

MS and I have also turned the lemons of no running camp into the lemonade of a beach in Florida. I'd already taken the time off work so why not use it for something awesome? I've got my eye on a new pair of running shoes that I hope to use on the Alter-G and maybe on one sunset beach jog. The mental image of that jog is the carrot on my recovery stick right now.

I'd apologize in advance for the barrage of Instagram photos that I will post later from my swim, but...I won't because I am not sorry! Thank you for all the well-wishes and support, keep them coming! This is definitely a good update but there is still a long ways to go.

Head up, wings out.

Finding new favorites

I was going to write a quick update on how my non-active life has been going, when suddenly a post from this chica showed up in my feed. Excellent. I am outright stealing this idea and making it a list of the non-running things that rock my socks these days. Update + fun - pity party = everybody wins.

1) Sitting on my patio because I CAN!

There have been a few warm days recently that have allowed me to air out the apartment and sit outside on my patio. Maybe read. Maybe enjoy a seasonal brew. Maybe watch my cats while they steal my chair and try to chase birds. All those things. Getting be to outside in the sun. Happiness.

2) Messing around in the kitchen

With apologies to MS, I've been spending some of this new free time creating more dirty dishes than I already do. I love cooking and baking but I don't do it as much when I am training consistently. Post-workout meals usually involve the first thing I can put in my mouth, so the joy of preparing food (picking a recipe, prepping, the intention set when I cook, the lack of frenzy to get to the final product) fades away. I've been on a roasted vegetable kick and making fresh batches of these to try different flavor combinations. I don't tend to plan ahead when I get the urge to cook, so I hope that I have the necessary ingredients in the house or I wing it if I think I have suitable substitutions. Either way, fun!

3) Working through my Goodreads/library book wish list

Since early January MS and I have been conducting an experiment of sorts with the concept of e-readers. I really love have a book in my hands, but I am picky about what books I buy (only ones I know I'll read again) and traditional library access is hit or miss. Enter MS's new iPad mini provided by his office. I downloaded the Kindle app and synced my library's e-book catalog. I am pleasantly surprised with how much I've enjoyed using it and how often (except when MS takes it on work travel with him. Rude). My library has a great selection of e-books and multiple copies so even placing a hold isn't a big deal. I've got a wish list on the library account as well as a few books downloaded to read at one time. I've read a lot more because of this and I've saved money too. Here is what I've gotten through recently/currently reading/on my to read list:

I think procuring an e-reader of my own is in the near future.

These are my three favorite things right now, and I hope to find more in the coming weeks.

Anything I should add to the list above?  What is a favorite of yours right now?

Help Wanted

It has been five days since I saw yet another doctor about my injury. I wasn't in the best headspace afterwards to recap what happened and what the next four weeks look like. Honestly, I'm not feeling that much better about anything. I feel like I've been able to keep my fears and disappointment at arm's length, focusing on what I COULD do (swim, lift) instead of what I couldn't (everything else). It helped that I was making progress in the gym, adding weight which in turn has helped my swim (especially since I can't kick, just pull). That came to a screeching halt on Wednesday morning.

I'll try to keep this part short, and suggest that if you want learn more about what I'm talking about feel free to email me or hit me up on the Facebook page. At the urging of my PT, I went to a sports medicine clinic in Maryland. She spoke to the doctor ahead of time, giving him an idea of what had been going on and what I'd done so far for treatment. During the appointment, he asked me questions about what was going on and I gave him an earful of how stressful this has been, how frustrated I am, how much being able to run (hell, be able to exercise at all) is critical to my emotional health as well as my physical health and career aspirations. He fired up the ultrasound equipment and starting poking/prodding/ultrasounding the general area. It didn't take long to zero on the spot and from there things went pretty quickly. There is your tendon, there is a tear-type thing (ps I still don't know how anyone sees anything on those screens). Area not as vascularized, takes time to heal, etc.

Options included doing nothing (cost: $0.00 and my sanity), musculotskeletal prolotherapy (cost: a few hundred $, not covered by insurance, more needles),  platelet rich plasma therapy (cost: at least $1,000 a pop, not covered by insurance, needles and local anesthesia), and bone marrow stem cell therapy  (cost: I don't want to know, not covered by insurance, needle jabbed into a bone, and local anesthesia). I had the option of taking some time to think about it all, but I have had my fill of thinking. I am also living paycheck to paycheck so PRP and stem cell were not a financial possibility (not to mention scary-sounding). So, I went with door #2. Watching the screen, I could see the needle going into my leg and doing its thing. It was NOT awesome, but over in a decent amount of time. Slap a bandaid on it and off we go. For the next two weeks: no activity. I can go to work, come home, do the basic things that need to be done in life. No lifting, no swimming, no stretching, not even a push-up. WHHHHHAAAAAATTTT!? After those 2 weeks, see my PT and get a status report. See the doctor again at 4 weeks.

Nothing is at arm's length anymore and I don't feel like they have to be. I am not trying to be overdramatic but I think it is perfectly reasonable for me to see this for what it is, feel how I am feeling, and be honest about it. I'm a little tired of thinking of this as temporary, knowing it will be worth it in the long run, and all the other things I've been told by people who mean well but don't know what this is actually like. Letting me vent and cry and be upset because this sucks is important and trying to sell me a silver-lining right now feels dismissive. Sorry, friends and family, but it does (especially since most know this is about more than being able to knock out a few miles). What I need is someone to accept that what I am feeling is 100% okay. I'm not looking for someone to co-host a pity party. I'm looking for someone to acknowledge how this is impacting my daily life and say "hell yeah, this sucks. WTF."

I need help staying distracted. This is no easy task. Staying off social media doesn't matter as my own home is a constant reminder of running. Medal racks. Race pictures. Magazines. Piles of shoes. Living with a runner. I can only rot my brain on so much TV.  I'm reading a bit but my eyes are starting to cross. I'd like to go see movies but I can't sit comfortably in the theater. Same goes for taking a sunny drive through the beautiful areas around my house. The area aches within 5-10 minutes of sitting in a car seat. I've spent most of this weekend reclined on one couch or another and it is getting old. My brain needs to be occupied. So, here comes the ask. Please help me brainstorm ways to fill my time for at least the next two weeks. I'd prefer not to binge-watch Netflix and the like but I know I can't exactly be picky.

I appreciate all the love and support I have received in the last few months, it truly means a lot. I hope this post hasn't been one whiny mess; that was not the intent. I just needed to be able to say what I've been trying to say for weeks now and finally be heard.  The situation is what it is, I want help getting through it. Thank you. XOXO.

DNS and the big picture

Somehow it is March 31st. Where did March go? Why is April almost here? I do not understand. I shudder to think that my run analysis was so long ago. At the time, I was told that I would be good to run a trail half marathon the first weekend of December. Oh how the Universe likes to take all those plans, dump them down the drain, and then run away laughing like a toddler. I see you, Universe. I see you.

So, the race I was contemplating participating in the previous weekend. It was part of a series put on by EX2 Adventures, the Spring Backyard Burn. I have been wanting to run one of their races for a couple of years now but I have never been healthy enough to do so. I registered for the 5.6 mile option at Laurel Hill Park a few months ago, confident in both my PT and my progress in treatment. Don't get me wrong, I love my PT. She's amazing and she has thrown the kitchen sink at my body in hopes of getting this figured out. My body just continues to have other plans.

I spoke to my PT and the needle guy early in the week about how, if at all, I should participate in the race. I'm pretty sure I heard the laughter as soon as they opened my email. Their obvious answer was don't do it. The secondary, "you're a pig-headed runner who would try to race anyways" answer was to enjoy a brisk walk on a Sunday morning and stop if it hurts. Get my first DNF. For once in my life, I wanted to really think things over and make the decision that was best for me in the long term. If possible, I was even more hypersensitive to my body all week. On Saturday night I sat down and journaled about it, threw it up to the Universe, and went to sleep.

When I woke up race morning, I felt really peaceful. I knew I wasn't going to run, walk, skip, or crawl. To avoid any last minute change of heart, I threw on jeans and a long-sleeve t shirt so that I was not dressed in anything remotely appropriate for running. My job that morning was to support MS as he ran the course and spectate my broken heart out.  Although I knew it was the right call, I will be honest and say it was still hard to be there in a non-running capacity (plus, it was windy and bitter cold). I did my own thing at the gym later in the day and that was that.

Six months ago I would have run that race. No doubt, I would have and ended up in worse shape for it. The only difference I can see now is that I have bigger goals set for this year. More important races, running camps, and fitness challenges, all of which matter so much more to me. I want to be as healthy as I can be and if that means going batshit crazy resting the lower half of my body, so be it. I have an appointment tomorrow morning with what I hope is the last doctor I will have to see. I'll hold off on the details for now, but I hope to have this resolved once and for all. Even if it isn't what I want to hear, at this point I just want to know. I'm done with the doctors and therapies and the uncertainty. I'm going in with a list of questions and I plan to leave with answers and an action plan.

The pool at my gym is starting to feel too much like home these days and I would like that to stop as soon as possible. My running shoes miss me. My favorite trails miss me. No seriously, I can feel it. They do. I miss them too. Hopefully we'll be reunited soon.